cadjee

Tiden
Er på mange måter som luft
Du tror du kan fange den
Holde den for deg selv
Men hjelpesløs står du tilbake
Den glipper ut av hendene dine
Ustanselig
Utemmelig

Og allikevel blåser den deg forbi
Bestandig

Tiden flyr,
sier man.
Men hvis tiden flyr,
hvorfor kan den aldri vende og fly tilbake?

De sier at et år er ingenting
Livet er kort, lev som om hver dag var din siste
Grip dagen

Sju år har vært en evighet
Et hav av tid
Og bunnen er snart ute av syne
Jeg dras mot overflaten
Kjemper for å holde hodet under vann
Hvorfor er jeg ikke en bedre svømmer?

---

Ti poeng til den som får noe særlig ut av dette. Men faktisk gir det veldig mye mening for meg.

Well it's happening
Never planned on this
You've got something I need
Kind of dangerous
And I'm losing control
I'm not used to this
What you want from me
I'm not used to this

---

I dag fikk jeg igjen en matteprøve med et resultat som var så langt over det jeg kunne drømt om at jeg nesten gråt. Har sjelden vært så lettet altså, plutselig så jeg bare mulighetene! Deretter har jeg vært flink og jobbet i både norsk- og historietimene. Så dro vi russepøblene og sprutet ned de andre elevene, veldig gøy. Deretter har jeg spist en vanvittig god middag, sovet litt, og vært ute og løpt ca. en time i skogen (på tross av forkjølelse). Jeg er for flink!

Og nå fikk jeg akkurat en av de koseligste og mest overraskende meldingene jeg har fått noen gang. Dette er min dag altså.

Bortsett fra det stresser jeg ganske mye med alt som beklageligvis skal gjøres på skolen før og rundt 17. mai (hvilken idiot plasserer en viktig muntlig eksamen første skoledag etter 17. mai?), og prøver samtidig å være russ og ha det litt gøy. Og så ser jeg på ledige rom i leiligheter i Oslo. Mmmm.

Feeling a lot better than last time. My friend seem to be pretty okay, due to the circumstances. I mean, you can never be yourself again when you've lost your dearest one, but this far she's doing fine, if I can describe it that way. Her strenght is that she's so open about this whole fucked up situation. Which makes me really delighted, I would rather expect the opposite.

Easter and spring is drawing near, and I love it. I believe this will be a great easter vacation. The first three-four days, me, my mum and my aunt will be at our cabin in Jotunheimen. Then, after a few days alone at home, I'm heading for Oslo, where I'm going to see Immortal and Nine Inch Nails (among others)!!  

If I get more excited about this now, I have a feeling that something will pop out from nowhere and spoil it all. And I can't let that happen!

I'm having a pretty hard time these days. A friend of mine commited suicide one week ago. He was another friend's boyfriend. It was one hell of a shock to all of us. It still is.

I've never experienced something like this before. I mean, I've lost my father and my grandfather to cancer, but that's something completely different. I hate cancer, but at least we can explain it. People get sick, and some get well, and some don't. That's just how it is, though I still wonder why it had to happen to my father.
Anyway, the point is, suicide is so much worse. Leaving so many questions. So many thoughts. I can't imagine what his girlfriend is going through right now. No good people deserves this. And she is one of the best.

And this whole thing reminds me a lot of my dad. That's NOT a bad thing, I mean, it would  be strange if I didn't think about him. You just keep wondering about where they are now. I really, really wanna think of them sitting there somewhere, watching over me. But I don't know. It's a nice thought, but I don't know if I can believe in it. Bah... I just wish he was here.


Other than that, I'm okay. I've had a very nice weekend, meeting some dear friends and playing a lot of indoor bandy. And I have things to look forward to, like seeing Immortal in less than four weeks and Nine Inch Nails the day after. So that's nice.

Hope you're doing fine.